I aint afraid of no food processors

Many moons ago, I turned 25. Prior to my birthday, my mother asked what I would like for my birthday. While some people fear turning another year older, the thing I fear most about the annual festivities is the question, "What do you want for your birthday?" I can't remember the last time an idea came easily to mind - which is a good thing, since it means I have the necessities of life. Clearly something I should be grateful for.

This fact is no help to those who feel society's pressure and their own generous instincts driving them to bestow a token of their friendly or familial affection on a person. Last year, when my mother asked me this question, I replied, for reasons I have forgotten: "A food processor."

This was all well and good until I discovered on the day itself that my mum had actually purchased a Kenwood monstrosity with 12 functions, including the ability to zest citrus fruit.The sheer size of the box terrified me and provided an interesting train ride/walk home (where interesting means inconvenient and trying to the biceps and triceps). I am truly ashamed to say that the thing found a new home in the cupboard over the wardrobe and did not see daylight for four months.

Four months later comes Christmas. "What do you want for Christmas?" Luckily, Lucy Mangan had just tweeted about her book, My Family and Other Disasters, and so I sent the Amazon link over to my mum. 

There is a chapter in this book entitles "Not using your gadgets? Send them to me!" which, basically, gives people like me a telling-off for letting fun kitchen gadgets rot in cupboards - like the one over the wardrobe in my flat. 

The shame.

Now, there are two sorts of food which are good starting points when taming your food processor. These are smoothies and soup. To make up for the months of neglect, I decided to have a go at both of these. It turns out the food processor was far less of a faff to use and clean than I was afraid it would be. These are what I created:

Soup - serves 4 (generously)

• 1 large chicken breast (you might want to use one or two more - this was all there was in my freezer), chopped
• 1 large onion, chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic, crushed
• 2 large carrots, peeled and diced
• 2 leeks, sliced
• 2 baking potatoes - largest you can find - peeled and diced
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp pepper
• 1/4 tsp chilli powder
• 1/2 tsp parsley (fresh chopped or dried)
• 1/2 tsp rosemary (fresh chopped or dried)
• Enough cooking oil (I used olive oil) to cover the bottom of your saucepan
• Medium to large saucepan with a lid
• Food processor with the jug attachment

1. Heat the oil
2. Fry the chicken on a low heat until it is cooked (flesh inside is white as opposed to pink when sliced). Keep stirring to ensure it doesn't stick to the pan or burn. 
3. Add the onions and garlic, stir and put the lid on the saucepan. Keep the heat low. Stir now and again to make sure it doesn't burn. Boil up what you think will be enough water to three-quarters-fill the pan. About 150ml might be a good amount if you're not sure. 
4. When the onions are translucent and limp, add the other vegetables and seasoning. Pour over enough boiling water to cover all of the ingredients. Stir.
5. Put the lid back on the pan and leave it to simmer for about half an hour. Stir now and again and keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't boil over. 
6. Turn off the heat and leave it to cool a bit for 10 minutes. 
7. Ladle the soup into the food processor jug. It probably won't all fit but try to get a good mix of meat, veg and liquid. 
8. Turn the food processor to a low setting, then increase. Blitz until thick and smooth. 
9. If not all of the stuff fitted into the jug first time, put the stuff you've just blitzed to one side. Pour the rest into the food processor and blitz as with the first batch. Pour the two into a container big enough for both and mix them up so that the texture is consistent.

It should still be hot, so either serve now, or store in a sealed container in the fridge for two days, or in the freezer for a month. If you freeze it, take the soup out the day before you want to eat it and leave it in the fridge to defrost. Reheat thoroughly in a pan on the hob until piping hot. 

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Sharp and Smooth Smoothie

• 2 pears, sliced
• 2 nectarines, stoned and sliced
• Pulp and seeds of 2 passion fruits
• 15 red grapes
• (optional - 50ml orange juice)
• Food processor with jug attachment

1. Blitz it all in the food processor.

Ok, so I have only used one of the 12 functions. But my food processor phobia is defeated.