Is it a cupcake? Is it a brownie?

Cute cake case found in Lakeland

Food Technology made me cry once, but it wasn't my least favourite subject at school (coughPhysicscough). It was redeemed by my teacher - a Scottish lady in possession of the desire to feed her students fresh baked scones at least once a month, and a fair portion of disdain for the rebranding of the useful, wholesome subject, "Home Economics" as "Food Technology". I'm not kidding when I say we spent year eleven learning how to make ready meals from scratch. I think it would be giving the exam board too much credit to suggest this was some sort of tongue-in-cheek thing.

The relevance of my teacher's Scottish heritage is that her pronunciation of the word "chalaza" ensured that the word was lodged firmly in my memory, along with its meaning - the stringy bit in an egg that suspends the yolk - and the fact that you should really take it out if you're making a meringue.

This lady ensured that in between learning about the hygiene regulations involved in sticking non-recyclable film over your sodium-drenched-microwavable-coronary-in-a-box, we actually learnt something about food and how it works. Once you know this, you can build your own recipes, keep them balanced and learn how to substitute ingredients to accommodate economy, allergies/intolerances - or in my case, poor shopping list construction. So... the basics of home economics. Subversive.

As a result, recently I created the most beautiful cupcakes I have ever, ever made. I had a photo of them, but I dropped my phone (and myself) in a ditch filled with melted snow on Saturday, and so the picture (and my dignity) is lost forever. You'll need to bake some for yourself to see what they look like. I will give you the recipe first, and then you can decide whether you want to bother with the "science" afterwards.

Chocolate Brownie Cupcakes

Preheat oven to 180°C (that is, 350°F or Gas Mark 4)
Set out 12 to 14 medium-sized cupcake cases on a baking sheet

Ingredients:

100g golden granulated sugar
100g caster sugar (you can use 200g of caster sugar instead of a mix of granulated and caster, but it gives a nice flavour)
150g unsalted butter
1 tbsp milk (evaporated, whole, semi-skimmed, soya, whatever)
2 free-range eggs
200g self raising flour
1 tsp baking powder
3 tbsp fairtrade cocoa powder (or 4 if you like)
1 tsp vanilla extract

Melt the butter in the microwave (in a microwave-proof bowl) for 1 minute or until liquid.

Add the sugar and beat together with a wooden spoon. When it is cooler (you don't want scrambled eggs here) add the eggs one by one and continue to beat the mixture.

Fold in the rest of the ingredients until smooth. (Folding means repeatedly scooping the mixture and flopping it gently over itself until it's all combined).

Half-fill the cupcake cases. Bake at 180°C for 15 mins. 

Leave to cool on the tray. They may collapse slightly, which is fine. They should be slightly gooey inside like a chocolate brownie. 

These are best when they've cooled down rather than being eaten warm. You can ice them with chocolate fudge icing if you want, but they're good as they are, trust me. 

How it works

I'll admit, I did supplement my memory a bit with this website - Fine Cooking - which I recommend as being informative about the correct ratios for a good cake. Quick disclaimer here: I'm not a scientist, so excuse me if my explanations are infantile at best. 

Most cake recipes suggest wheat flour. This is because wheat is high in the protein gluten. Gluten gives cake batter a gloopy elasticity which allows air in the mix to expand into fluffy bubbles, giving the cake its gorgeous texture. If you've tried baking with gluten free flour, you'll know that the finished product, while lighter, is crumbly and awkward to decorate. To recapture some firmness in gluten free recipes, add a teaspoon of xanthan gum. 

Eggs are pretty cool. They contain all of the vitamins and minerals needed by human beings with the exception of vitamin C. They are very high in protein, which would be used to nourish chickens were the eggs fertilised - which they're mostly not. They trap air very effectively when beaten and the yolks add some of the fatty richness. Once the eggs trap the air, the sugar in the recipe crystallises through the structure of the cake to keep the bubbles where they are, and works with the protein and starch in the flour to keep the whole thing together. The baking powder (sodium bicarbonate) produces carbon dioxide bubbles as the cake cooks which stops the cake becoming a flat mess.

So what's with the fat? It tastes awesome and keeps the cake moist. Butter is the best for its flavour, but it can be substituted for other baking fat if you're cooking for vegans or people with concerns about cholesterol.

Chocolate will save your body, soul - and the World

The Story

Mexican molinillo/chocolate whisk

Cacao beans were first ground and mixed into something resembling what we would call hot cocoa in South America and were brought to Europe by the Spanish. Chocolate became popular in its bitter liquid form in England following the restoration of the monarchy, and chocolate houses, where genteel folk gathered to slurp up the exotic drink, were a part of the decadent, theatrical and - of course - exploitative, colonial culture of the time. A little while later, the Quaker chocolatier, Fry, created the first solid chocolate bar. Fast forward to today when chocolate is widely seen as an antidote to the pains of a stressful day at work, relationship breakdowns and dementor attacks. (Oh wait - not the last one.)

The Dark Side

There is a dark side to chocolate. Of course, the fat levels and calories - the addition of sugar and milk which somehow creates one of the most heavenly flavours known to man and woman is also probably partially to blame for endemic obesity in countries where people can actually afford chocolate.

And then there are the countries where a large portion of the population can't afford chocolate - which usually includes the countries which actually produce cocoa. On a trip to Peru last year, I noticed that, while for someone of my own means, Peru is a country where you can get a delicious meal for (not kidding) about a third of what the same would cost in the UK, chocolate was comparatively expensive. In Ghana, where a large proportion of the cocoa we eat comes from, most people working on cocoa farms never even get to try a tiny square of the finished product. It's also common knowledge that there are a lot of unethical confectionery companies who feel that it's OK to take advantage of farmers with no power to seek alternative customers who will pay them, you know, the money they're owed. Next thing you know, workers are becoming unpaid slaves because there's not enough money to filter down that far.

The Squishy Delicious Side

There is a flip side to both the health and ethical questions surrounding the issue of cocoa. The health stuff first...

Chocolate gets a bad rap where its effect on the human form is concerned. Yes, cocoa does contain fat, but if you're looking to find fault with the nutritional value of chocolate (I'm assuming we're talking about milk chocolate since that's my own vice and the inhabitant of 90% of my thoughtspace on an average day), the dairy and the sugar are undoubtedly the bits that are going to make your insides unhappy. Cocoa is actually pretty amazing as foods go.

Chocolate makes you happy! This is actually true. Chemicals in chocolate triggers the release of endorphins and also the important mineral magnesium which is vital for a healthy heart and nervous system.

It's also good for a kick of energy when you really need it. Aside from the sugar content, chocolate contains my personal favourite chemical, theobromine. Theobromine is mistakable for caffeine in its molecular makeup. However, it is just different enough to provide a longer lasting boost, while being kinder to your nervous system and being far less addictive. Thanks to the lovely Chocolate Museum in Cusco for showing me this. If you're a caffeine addict, give this a try one day: a couple of spoonfuls of (Fair Trade) cocoa in hot water (try making a paste with cold water before adding the hot water) with some honey, vanilla extract and cinnamon. Unlike a strong coffee, it won't leave your trembling face drooling into your keyboard when the caffeine low hits.

Chocolate has also been given the credit for lowering the risk of suffering a stroke. Several people have, independently of one another, directed me to these findings... apparently my chocoholism is not as big a secret as I might have hoped.

The positive flip-side for the countries producing cocoa is the Fair Trade movement. I remember an acquaintance at university criticising the Fair Trade mark as a "brand" - yes, of course it is. A brand is a recognisable mark to direct the consumer to certain products. At the moment, we need to brand some products as not taking as much advantage of those on the farming level of the production heap. One day hopefully we won't need it because we will be able to assume that all producers are given a fair deal.

For now, the movement is gaining popularity and momentum and you can read about the impact it is having on individual lives in places such as Ghana at the Divine website. So... eating the right sort of chocolate can actually help people! Good news, eh?

Another positive impact of cocoa production can be seen in Peru where some farmers have so far only seen coca as a viable crop (in Peru it's legal to grow a small amount of coca for use in things like teas and medicines, but the price that the drugs trade offers is pretty difficult for some farmers to resist). Initiatives are being put in place to help farmers switch to growing cocoa in place of coca, which will no doubt do wonders for undermining the drugs trade (with a knock on effect on other organised crime funded by the trade of illegal drugs).

So there you have it: chocolate really will save your body, your soul and the WORLD.

Fact.

I aint afraid of no food processors

Many moons ago, I turned 25. Prior to my birthday, my mother asked what I would like for my birthday. While some people fear turning another year older, the thing I fear most about the annual festivities is the question, "What do you want for your birthday?" I can't remember the last time an idea came easily to mind - which is a good thing, since it means I have the necessities of life. Clearly something I should be grateful for.

This fact is no help to those who feel society's pressure and their own generous instincts driving them to bestow a token of their friendly or familial affection on a person. Last year, when my mother asked me this question, I replied, for reasons I have forgotten: "A food processor."

This was all well and good until I discovered on the day itself that my mum had actually purchased a Kenwood monstrosity with 12 functions, including the ability to zest citrus fruit.The sheer size of the box terrified me and provided an interesting train ride/walk home (where interesting means inconvenient and trying to the biceps and triceps). I am truly ashamed to say that the thing found a new home in the cupboard over the wardrobe and did not see daylight for four months.

Four months later comes Christmas. "What do you want for Christmas?" Luckily, Lucy Mangan had just tweeted about her book, My Family and Other Disasters, and so I sent the Amazon link over to my mum. 

There is a chapter in this book entitles "Not using your gadgets? Send them to me!" which, basically, gives people like me a telling-off for letting fun kitchen gadgets rot in cupboards - like the one over the wardrobe in my flat. 

The shame.

Now, there are two sorts of food which are good starting points when taming your food processor. These are smoothies and soup. To make up for the months of neglect, I decided to have a go at both of these. It turns out the food processor was far less of a faff to use and clean than I was afraid it would be. These are what I created:

Soup - serves 4 (generously)

• 1 large chicken breast (you might want to use one or two more - this was all there was in my freezer), chopped
• 1 large onion, chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic, crushed
• 2 large carrots, peeled and diced
• 2 leeks, sliced
• 2 baking potatoes - largest you can find - peeled and diced
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp pepper
• 1/4 tsp chilli powder
• 1/2 tsp parsley (fresh chopped or dried)
• 1/2 tsp rosemary (fresh chopped or dried)
• Enough cooking oil (I used olive oil) to cover the bottom of your saucepan
• Medium to large saucepan with a lid
• Food processor with the jug attachment

1. Heat the oil
2. Fry the chicken on a low heat until it is cooked (flesh inside is white as opposed to pink when sliced). Keep stirring to ensure it doesn't stick to the pan or burn. 
3. Add the onions and garlic, stir and put the lid on the saucepan. Keep the heat low. Stir now and again to make sure it doesn't burn. Boil up what you think will be enough water to three-quarters-fill the pan. About 150ml might be a good amount if you're not sure. 
4. When the onions are translucent and limp, add the other vegetables and seasoning. Pour over enough boiling water to cover all of the ingredients. Stir.
5. Put the lid back on the pan and leave it to simmer for about half an hour. Stir now and again and keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't boil over. 
6. Turn off the heat and leave it to cool a bit for 10 minutes. 
7. Ladle the soup into the food processor jug. It probably won't all fit but try to get a good mix of meat, veg and liquid. 
8. Turn the food processor to a low setting, then increase. Blitz until thick and smooth. 
9. If not all of the stuff fitted into the jug first time, put the stuff you've just blitzed to one side. Pour the rest into the food processor and blitz as with the first batch. Pour the two into a container big enough for both and mix them up so that the texture is consistent.

It should still be hot, so either serve now, or store in a sealed container in the fridge for two days, or in the freezer for a month. If you freeze it, take the soup out the day before you want to eat it and leave it in the fridge to defrost. Reheat thoroughly in a pan on the hob until piping hot. 

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Sharp and Smooth Smoothie

• 2 pears, sliced
• 2 nectarines, stoned and sliced
• Pulp and seeds of 2 passion fruits
• 15 red grapes
• (optional - 50ml orange juice)
• Food processor with jug attachment

1. Blitz it all in the food processor.

Ok, so I have only used one of the 12 functions. But my food processor phobia is defeated.