Egg free cupcakes? Eggsactly.

Not so long ago, two things happened: my office stopped providing employees with biscuits, and my colleague who is a lacto-vegan joined the company. These two events were entirely unconnected.

The vanishment of biscuits from the communal tin was initially a shock to my sugar-drenched system, but was accepted after a little while as something which would probably be good for my waistline and, more importantly, my insulin levels. (I should mention that we are not left snackless: we have a boxful of fresh fruit each week.)

Still, a little indulgence now and again must be allowed and we have become accustomed to buying in or baking little treats, which are probably appreciated all the more for being less frequent.

One thing I wanted to learn how to do was to bake cakes without eggs, meaning the occasional cakes could be shared with my colleague who does not eat eggs. Being aware of the role eggs play in cake baking, I had assumed some sort of substitute protein would be necessary and that this would mean having to get hold of obscure ingredients. I braced myself.

Needlessly. One quick Google search, and I found this recipe from the Hairy Bikers: http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/eggless_sponge_cake_70634

I made a couple of substitutions of my own and opted for cupcakes rather than a sponge sandwich and so, viola, here is my recipe, adapted from the Hairy Bikers' one:

Eggless cupcakes

 

Eggless and delicious

Ingredients:

 

175g Plain flour
15g (3 tsp) baking powder
70g unsalted butter
60g (fair trade) golden granulated sugar
10g (1 tbsp) golden syrup
170ml evaporated milk
3 drops vanilla essence
3g (1/2 tsp) cinnamon

How it's done:

 

1) Pre-heat oven to 190C (gas mark 5). Set out 10 cake cases on a baking sheet, leaving a couple of centimetres between each.
2) Sift the flour and baking powder into a bowl.
3) Cream the butter, sugar and golden syrup together in another bowl until light and fluffy. If the butter is too hard from the fridge, heating it in the microwave for about 10 seconds can help. It's tricky to make sure it doesn't melt, though, so be careful.
4) Add the milk and flour and mix in a little at a time until the mixture is smooth. Add milk or water if the mixture is too stiff.
5) Using a tablespoon, dish out the mixture between the cake cases. Scoop up a spoonful of mixture and, using a teaspoon to encourage it, drop the mixture into the cake cases. They should be no more than half full.
6) Bake on the top shelf of the oven for 15 - 20 minutes.
7) Remove from the oven when they are a nice golden colour. Place on a cooling rack.

When they are cool, you can decorate them with some water icing (icing sugar and water - see the following for instructions - http://www.greenchronicle.com/basics/water_icing.htm) and sprinkles (make sure they don't have animal products in them if you're baking for a vegetarian or lacto-vegan).

Best to eat these within 3 days.

A note on the apocalypse

I had a very nice Valentine's Day this year, except for the choice of movie. It was called Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. This is a weird hybrid of a disaster movie (an asteroid is heading for Earth and there is no way anyone will survive - good start, eh?) and a romantic comedy (two messed up folks, one with lots of regrets, the other with lots of issues, set out on a quest together in the face of impending doom). The acting is ok, though.

I was so depressed after all this that I had to watch a bit of David Tennant's Penguins: Spy in the Huddle - which is great, by the way; no penguins died in the bit I saw, which makes it my kind of documentary.

This did cheer me up.

Well, it cheered me up until Friday morning when I awoke to the news that a large asteroid was just about to narrowly miss my one and only home, planet Earth.

No more apocalyptic rom coms for me: it's all been a bit too close to home.

A pancake fit for Popeye

 

The humble pancake

This past week was of course the week of Shrove Tuesday - the British alternative to the European carnival, traditionally being the last chance to over indulge before the sobriety of Lent.

In the olden days, pancakes were a delicious way to use up disgracefully decadent ingredients like butter, eggs and milk (and I suppose anything you can stick on top). When I was a little one, we had our pancakes at dessert with anything sticky and sweet that we had in the cupboards. This included lemon juice, orange juice, sugar and maple syrup - all of which would collect in the plate in a delicious, acidic mess. These were very thin and a bit crispy like a French crepe.

A friend I used to work with said that her family always ate pancakes filled with bolognese on Shrove Tuesday - this was possibly my initial introduction to the idea of savoury pancakes. In 2011, I met the Dutch pancake, which is massive and has amazing savoury things like bits of sausage built in, and is impossible to completely comsume in one sitting.

I can also appreciate a cinnamon pancake filled with chocolate spread and banana. Takes ten minutes to make and is a contender for the position of ultimate comfort food.

Thus we see the incredible versatility of the humble pancake.

 

An experimental pancake feast

This Shrove Tuesday, I decided to have an experimental pancake feast. And it was good.

Here are the fillings I made:

Multi-tasking

Pancake 1: tuna melt
This is simply dolphin friendly tuna in brine, drained and mixed with black pepper, real mayonnaise and finely grated cheddar cheese. It won't half fill you up if you eat it too quickly.

Pancake 2: spinach and feta
Another simple one. Sauteed spinach with crumbled feta. Popeye would be proud.

Pancake 3: bacon and spinach
The flashier cousin of the spinach and feta (because I bought too much spinach). You chop up your bacon into little bits and fry it in a little butter. You crush a garlic clove and add this to the bacon, followed by the spinach. You stir it over the heat until the spinach is good and wilted. It is ridiculously flavourful (and not only good on pancakes - it goes well over pasta with a smidge of double cream and a bit of feta added).

This was followed by sweet pancakes with syrup, lemon juice, chocolate spread and a general feeling of contentment.

 

Not sure how to make a pancake?

• Take some flour, eggs and milk, all whisked together in proportions that depend on how thick you want your pancake batter to be. More flour means it will be thicker. More milk means it will be thinner. The eggs are to give it a bit of elasticity and structure.
• Melt a bit of butter in a frying pan and then put enough batter in the pan to cover the bottom of the pan. 
• When the batter has gone solid, flip it in the air (or more cautiously with a spatula) and then cook the other side for about a minute. 

That's all there is to it. Try adding ground cinnamon to batter for sweet pancakes - you won't regret it.

Looking the gift horse in the mouth

I won't chatter a lot about the horse meat palaver that has been going on. It's been done to death and anyway I've never been massively squeamish about that sort of thing - I figure that if I'm going to eat one sort of quadrupedal, hoofed mammal, I can't get on my high horse (ahem) about the ethics of eating another. I'm also pretty sure that turkey has been sold to me labeled as chicken in the past, so I'm not greatly surprised. All the same, it does make you wonder about how interested British supermarkets are in the origin of meat and the level of humanity shown towards the animals being farmed...

Oddly, something that has made me think a bit more about the ethics behind carnivorousness is the revelation to me by a colleague that there is such a thing as a meat printer.

I was vaguely aware and impressed by an invention a while back that could be used for re-growing body parts for people who have lost them through injury. It seemed pretty cool and futuristic.

Apparently another potential use for 3D printing is the production of meat. That is, using the chemical bits and pieces that make up animals' flesh to print out, layer by layer, slabs of edible meat.  It would be unfeasibly expensive for most people at the present time, but the fact is that it is possible (in theory) to print meat.

Now, I have no idea (as someone who has never had a problem with eating meat) why I found this idea so unsettling.

I can see the benefits - land previously used for farming freed up for green things and, of course, removing the need to slaughter animals. Also, I'm told synthetic meat could be made lean which would be good news for cholesterol levels. 

But doesn't it get you thinking about whether, for example, a vegetarian would really want to eat this i-meat-ation (sorry)? Do all vegetarians object only to the killing of animals, or does it go deeper into the idea of what meat really is? Printed or slaughtered, it's still meat.

As an aside, it might be interesting to see whether the carbon footprint of printing meat is a lot lower than farming, especially if it does convert a lot of vegetarians to omnivores, thereby increasing demand.

Either way, the effect of all of this reflection is that my meat intake has gone down pretty drastically over the past couple of weeks, which is probably no bad thing even if it is completely illogical.

Is it a cupcake? Is it a brownie?

Cute cake case found in Lakeland

Food Technology made me cry once, but it wasn't my least favourite subject at school (coughPhysicscough). It was redeemed by my teacher - a Scottish lady in possession of the desire to feed her students fresh baked scones at least once a month, and a fair portion of disdain for the rebranding of the useful, wholesome subject, "Home Economics" as "Food Technology". I'm not kidding when I say we spent year eleven learning how to make ready meals from scratch. I think it would be giving the exam board too much credit to suggest this was some sort of tongue-in-cheek thing.

The relevance of my teacher's Scottish heritage is that her pronunciation of the word "chalaza" ensured that the word was lodged firmly in my memory, along with its meaning - the stringy bit in an egg that suspends the yolk - and the fact that you should really take it out if you're making a meringue.

This lady ensured that in between learning about the hygiene regulations involved in sticking non-recyclable film over your sodium-drenched-microwavable-coronary-in-a-box, we actually learnt something about food and how it works. Once you know this, you can build your own recipes, keep them balanced and learn how to substitute ingredients to accommodate economy, allergies/intolerances - or in my case, poor shopping list construction. So... the basics of home economics. Subversive.

As a result, recently I created the most beautiful cupcakes I have ever, ever made. I had a photo of them, but I dropped my phone (and myself) in a ditch filled with melted snow on Saturday, and so the picture (and my dignity) is lost forever. You'll need to bake some for yourself to see what they look like. I will give you the recipe first, and then you can decide whether you want to bother with the "science" afterwards.

Chocolate Brownie Cupcakes

Preheat oven to 180°C (that is, 350°F or Gas Mark 4)
Set out 12 to 14 medium-sized cupcake cases on a baking sheet

Ingredients:

100g golden granulated sugar
100g caster sugar (you can use 200g of caster sugar instead of a mix of granulated and caster, but it gives a nice flavour)
150g unsalted butter
1 tbsp milk (evaporated, whole, semi-skimmed, soya, whatever)
2 free-range eggs
200g self raising flour
1 tsp baking powder
3 tbsp fairtrade cocoa powder (or 4 if you like)
1 tsp vanilla extract

Melt the butter in the microwave (in a microwave-proof bowl) for 1 minute or until liquid.

Add the sugar and beat together with a wooden spoon. When it is cooler (you don't want scrambled eggs here) add the eggs one by one and continue to beat the mixture.

Fold in the rest of the ingredients until smooth. (Folding means repeatedly scooping the mixture and flopping it gently over itself until it's all combined).

Half-fill the cupcake cases. Bake at 180°C for 15 mins. 

Leave to cool on the tray. They may collapse slightly, which is fine. They should be slightly gooey inside like a chocolate brownie. 

These are best when they've cooled down rather than being eaten warm. You can ice them with chocolate fudge icing if you want, but they're good as they are, trust me. 

How it works

I'll admit, I did supplement my memory a bit with this website - Fine Cooking - which I recommend as being informative about the correct ratios for a good cake. Quick disclaimer here: I'm not a scientist, so excuse me if my explanations are infantile at best. 

Most cake recipes suggest wheat flour. This is because wheat is high in the protein gluten. Gluten gives cake batter a gloopy elasticity which allows air in the mix to expand into fluffy bubbles, giving the cake its gorgeous texture. If you've tried baking with gluten free flour, you'll know that the finished product, while lighter, is crumbly and awkward to decorate. To recapture some firmness in gluten free recipes, add a teaspoon of xanthan gum. 

Eggs are pretty cool. They contain all of the vitamins and minerals needed by human beings with the exception of vitamin C. They are very high in protein, which would be used to nourish chickens were the eggs fertilised - which they're mostly not. They trap air very effectively when beaten and the yolks add some of the fatty richness. Once the eggs trap the air, the sugar in the recipe crystallises through the structure of the cake to keep the bubbles where they are, and works with the protein and starch in the flour to keep the whole thing together. The baking powder (sodium bicarbonate) produces carbon dioxide bubbles as the cake cooks which stops the cake becoming a flat mess.

So what's with the fat? It tastes awesome and keeps the cake moist. Butter is the best for its flavour, but it can be substituted for other baking fat if you're cooking for vegans or people with concerns about cholesterol.

Chocolate will save your body, soul - and the World

The Story

Mexican molinillo/chocolate whisk

Cacao beans were first ground and mixed into something resembling what we would call hot cocoa in South America and were brought to Europe by the Spanish. Chocolate became popular in its bitter liquid form in England following the restoration of the monarchy, and chocolate houses, where genteel folk gathered to slurp up the exotic drink, were a part of the decadent, theatrical and - of course - exploitative, colonial culture of the time. A little while later, the Quaker chocolatier, Fry, created the first solid chocolate bar. Fast forward to today when chocolate is widely seen as an antidote to the pains of a stressful day at work, relationship breakdowns and dementor attacks. (Oh wait - not the last one.)

The Dark Side

There is a dark side to chocolate. Of course, the fat levels and calories - the addition of sugar and milk which somehow creates one of the most heavenly flavours known to man and woman is also probably partially to blame for endemic obesity in countries where people can actually afford chocolate.

And then there are the countries where a large portion of the population can't afford chocolate - which usually includes the countries which actually produce cocoa. On a trip to Peru last year, I noticed that, while for someone of my own means, Peru is a country where you can get a delicious meal for (not kidding) about a third of what the same would cost in the UK, chocolate was comparatively expensive. In Ghana, where a large proportion of the cocoa we eat comes from, most people working on cocoa farms never even get to try a tiny square of the finished product. It's also common knowledge that there are a lot of unethical confectionery companies who feel that it's OK to take advantage of farmers with no power to seek alternative customers who will pay them, you know, the money they're owed. Next thing you know, workers are becoming unpaid slaves because there's not enough money to filter down that far.

The Squishy Delicious Side

There is a flip side to both the health and ethical questions surrounding the issue of cocoa. The health stuff first...

Chocolate gets a bad rap where its effect on the human form is concerned. Yes, cocoa does contain fat, but if you're looking to find fault with the nutritional value of chocolate (I'm assuming we're talking about milk chocolate since that's my own vice and the inhabitant of 90% of my thoughtspace on an average day), the dairy and the sugar are undoubtedly the bits that are going to make your insides unhappy. Cocoa is actually pretty amazing as foods go.

Chocolate makes you happy! This is actually true. Chemicals in chocolate triggers the release of endorphins and also the important mineral magnesium which is vital for a healthy heart and nervous system.

It's also good for a kick of energy when you really need it. Aside from the sugar content, chocolate contains my personal favourite chemical, theobromine. Theobromine is mistakable for caffeine in its molecular makeup. However, it is just different enough to provide a longer lasting boost, while being kinder to your nervous system and being far less addictive. Thanks to the lovely Chocolate Museum in Cusco for showing me this. If you're a caffeine addict, give this a try one day: a couple of spoonfuls of (Fair Trade) cocoa in hot water (try making a paste with cold water before adding the hot water) with some honey, vanilla extract and cinnamon. Unlike a strong coffee, it won't leave your trembling face drooling into your keyboard when the caffeine low hits.

Chocolate has also been given the credit for lowering the risk of suffering a stroke. Several people have, independently of one another, directed me to these findings... apparently my chocoholism is not as big a secret as I might have hoped.

The positive flip-side for the countries producing cocoa is the Fair Trade movement. I remember an acquaintance at university criticising the Fair Trade mark as a "brand" - yes, of course it is. A brand is a recognisable mark to direct the consumer to certain products. At the moment, we need to brand some products as not taking as much advantage of those on the farming level of the production heap. One day hopefully we won't need it because we will be able to assume that all producers are given a fair deal.

For now, the movement is gaining popularity and momentum and you can read about the impact it is having on individual lives in places such as Ghana at the Divine website. So... eating the right sort of chocolate can actually help people! Good news, eh?

Another positive impact of cocoa production can be seen in Peru where some farmers have so far only seen coca as a viable crop (in Peru it's legal to grow a small amount of coca for use in things like teas and medicines, but the price that the drugs trade offers is pretty difficult for some farmers to resist). Initiatives are being put in place to help farmers switch to growing cocoa in place of coca, which will no doubt do wonders for undermining the drugs trade (with a knock on effect on other organised crime funded by the trade of illegal drugs).

So there you have it: chocolate really will save your body, your soul and the WORLD.

Fact.

I aint afraid of no food processors

Many moons ago, I turned 25. Prior to my birthday, my mother asked what I would like for my birthday. While some people fear turning another year older, the thing I fear most about the annual festivities is the question, "What do you want for your birthday?" I can't remember the last time an idea came easily to mind - which is a good thing, since it means I have the necessities of life. Clearly something I should be grateful for.

This fact is no help to those who feel society's pressure and their own generous instincts driving them to bestow a token of their friendly or familial affection on a person. Last year, when my mother asked me this question, I replied, for reasons I have forgotten: "A food processor."

This was all well and good until I discovered on the day itself that my mum had actually purchased a Kenwood monstrosity with 12 functions, including the ability to zest citrus fruit.The sheer size of the box terrified me and provided an interesting train ride/walk home (where interesting means inconvenient and trying to the biceps and triceps). I am truly ashamed to say that the thing found a new home in the cupboard over the wardrobe and did not see daylight for four months.

Four months later comes Christmas. "What do you want for Christmas?" Luckily, Lucy Mangan had just tweeted about her book, My Family and Other Disasters, and so I sent the Amazon link over to my mum. 

There is a chapter in this book entitles "Not using your gadgets? Send them to me!" which, basically, gives people like me a telling-off for letting fun kitchen gadgets rot in cupboards - like the one over the wardrobe in my flat. 

The shame.

Now, there are two sorts of food which are good starting points when taming your food processor. These are smoothies and soup. To make up for the months of neglect, I decided to have a go at both of these. It turns out the food processor was far less of a faff to use and clean than I was afraid it would be. These are what I created:

Soup - serves 4 (generously)

• 1 large chicken breast (you might want to use one or two more - this was all there was in my freezer), chopped
• 1 large onion, chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic, crushed
• 2 large carrots, peeled and diced
• 2 leeks, sliced
• 2 baking potatoes - largest you can find - peeled and diced
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp pepper
• 1/4 tsp chilli powder
• 1/2 tsp parsley (fresh chopped or dried)
• 1/2 tsp rosemary (fresh chopped or dried)
• Enough cooking oil (I used olive oil) to cover the bottom of your saucepan
• Medium to large saucepan with a lid
• Food processor with the jug attachment

1. Heat the oil
2. Fry the chicken on a low heat until it is cooked (flesh inside is white as opposed to pink when sliced). Keep stirring to ensure it doesn't stick to the pan or burn. 
3. Add the onions and garlic, stir and put the lid on the saucepan. Keep the heat low. Stir now and again to make sure it doesn't burn. Boil up what you think will be enough water to three-quarters-fill the pan. About 150ml might be a good amount if you're not sure. 
4. When the onions are translucent and limp, add the other vegetables and seasoning. Pour over enough boiling water to cover all of the ingredients. Stir.
5. Put the lid back on the pan and leave it to simmer for about half an hour. Stir now and again and keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't boil over. 
6. Turn off the heat and leave it to cool a bit for 10 minutes. 
7. Ladle the soup into the food processor jug. It probably won't all fit but try to get a good mix of meat, veg and liquid. 
8. Turn the food processor to a low setting, then increase. Blitz until thick and smooth. 
9. If not all of the stuff fitted into the jug first time, put the stuff you've just blitzed to one side. Pour the rest into the food processor and blitz as with the first batch. Pour the two into a container big enough for both and mix them up so that the texture is consistent.

It should still be hot, so either serve now, or store in a sealed container in the fridge for two days, or in the freezer for a month. If you freeze it, take the soup out the day before you want to eat it and leave it in the fridge to defrost. Reheat thoroughly in a pan on the hob until piping hot. 

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Sharp and Smooth Smoothie

• 2 pears, sliced
• 2 nectarines, stoned and sliced
• Pulp and seeds of 2 passion fruits
• 15 red grapes
• (optional - 50ml orange juice)
• Food processor with jug attachment

1. Blitz it all in the food processor.

Ok, so I have only used one of the 12 functions. But my food processor phobia is defeated.